Inside of (my) Room

July 15, 2006
Dear Diary,

In these few days, I've been thinking about something. You know, It's really hard to make a decision that will caused something in your life.

July 12
I met my best friends that in the certain way, we have something in common [in havin' relationship with someone ]The girls just breakin' up with their boyfriend. One, was "broken hearted" caused the man, leaves her for marry the other girl [ that's unbelievable story for me, cuz I'd know, they've been dating for a bout 5 years. And Its really hurting her [and me] a lot. ] and the other one, was broken up after only 1 month dating. The man, seems that go back to his ex. It was happen when the man, thinks that the ex isnt a suitable girl for him after 7 years dating!! And then, he created another relationship with my friend. And then thought that he goes back to his ex. Owh Boy!!! Man, are just the same no matter what does he excuse.
I have no idea, bout the boys world. I try to enter and learn their kind of world. Seems that they really a selfish kind of creature.

Ok, now about mine. Yeah, now am goin to talking about mine. MINE.

First of I have no fuckin shit clue about what am goin to say and write here. It's all inside me. How do I feel now? I feel so fuckin Numb. I feel nothing. All the feelings just fade away, without knowing is it becoz all the uncertainty of waiting or else.

Maybe I really had enough for this relationship.
Yeah, perhaps I shud brave and tough for this situation.
And Remember that I still have plenty times for the other.

All these times, I've been walking around without knowing the destination.
At first I was okay. But as the times goes by seems that it's a bit a pity.
Cuz somehow this road goin nowhere.
This man that I trust can't or couldn't make any decision.
I've been living in lots of patience.

[Yes honey, I almost give you my feeling for you here. I give all the trust, that you might handle it. But somehow I think that I don't wanna be so damn shit selfish like that. Perhaps I am not good for you. Perhaps that am not the one that you've been looking for. Perhaps am not even better that your girl friend. That's why from this time being, we shud get separated. Even tho, we both know that its really hurts us, indeed]

We already set our emotion this far.
We already get the moments so far.
We already showed our feelings this far,
But too bad we can't go as far as I want[ we want..?]


[here's I picked from one of songs in Ronan Keating's album that u like to hear.]
Quote :

If you love somebody
You should set them free
But it sure is hard to do

And I know they say if they don't come back again
Then it's meant to be
But those words ain't pulling me through
Cos I'm still in love with youI spend each day here waiting for a miracle
But it's just you and me going through the mill

This is the long goodbye, some body tell me why
Two lovers in love can't make it
Just what kind of love keeps breaking a heart?
No matter how hard I try,
You're gonna make me cry
Come on, baby, it's over, let's face it
All that's happening here is a long goodbye

Sometimes I ask my heart did we really
Give our love a chance (just one more chance)and I know without a doubt
I turned it inside outAnd if we walked away
would make more sense (only self defense)
But it tears me up inside
Just to think we still could try
How long must we keep riding on a carousel
Going round and round and never getting anywhere?(on a wing and prayer)

Unquote

Yes honey, It's really hard for me, to make this decision. This is a long goodbye indeed.

You and I know that we don't wanna loose each otherBut this in kind of situation just make me and push me to do this. I'm sorry if I was doin something wrong when we're together.I just wanna be a part of you, that's all.

Anyway, shud you have anywords to say, feel free to let me know.
We could discuss it if you really wish for.

I really hope that we still be a good friend forever.
I dont wanna loose you as a friend.

I love you and will always care of you no matter how far we are, later on.
Thanks for all the supports that u'd given me
Thanks for all the moments that we had
The Laugh
The smiles