Inside of (my) Room

Dear Chris,

Time is running damn fast for this year..
I feel it dear.I really feel so speechless ..
I have no words to say.

So many words to say..
so many things to remember..
so many tears to drop ..
so many laughs to shares ..
so many memories to reminds..

Hiks.. hiks.. bro.. again and again I feel alone and gloomy, here I have no "idea" why..
It just .. for me personally, its really hard to step a head and face another new year..
I have no shit why..
I just feel that, I'm not ready for any troubles .. any tears.. another desperate..

owh GOD ! why I shud feel this way.
I REALLY WORRY bout what's goin to be happen next year..

Dear, Am still looking for what really I am.. Am still looking who's loving me really.. Am still looking who's looking for me..Am still looking what's real to me..
Owh dear.. again I feel lonely.. again I feel sad, another tears again here..

I know and I realize that I shud be feel grateful of what ever happen this year.. and of course I did..!! I feel so grateful, and Thanks to GOD.. for all the mercy.. all the kindness.. for all the chances .. for all the faith.. for everything.. I really had times this year.. I had create many memorable times.. From the 1st month in 2006 until today I wrote this message. From falling love, until I really in that kind of love world.. from the happiness of my beloved friends wedding until create another new friendship..

Dear my beloved just called me.. and shame on me I cried in front of him.. it's really hard for me to tell him about what I'm worrying here.. But finally I told him.. huhuhuhu Chris I really wish that you were here.. :Owh GOD please help me here.. please convince me that I can thru another year with another good memories.. please giving me another trust In doing everything.. please give me another chances for the whole same old brand new things in the world..

If I can and may ask you something.. Hmm I don't wanna cry tears for more.. I wanna go to Your Home again..I wanna meet someone that really love me, care of me.. understand my condition..
[ if he's another man beside my beloved B.]

I wanna be successful photographer, at least my shoots get more better and won some competitions.. :
I wanna have another new friends and create another one..
I wanna be a BETTER person ever..
I wanna be independent person ever..
I wanna be more confident in doin' something..
I wanna be more cheerfulI don't want to bothering people around me..
I don't want to "hurt" my family's feeling
I don't want my family feel sorry with me..
I don't want to have enemies..
I don't want to be alone..
I don't want to be stupid..
I don't want to see my life is more pathetic..
I want my best friends is keep encouraging me.. and as well as I try to encourage them ..
I wish If you really give me another chance living in this world, I'd like to have all ..
Please forgive me, really..
I cant ask you for more..
I cant ask you more than that..
I cant ask you, the impossible things..I just hope for the best of all..

I wish, I have C and J here..
They are my angels of my life.. Without them, I'm not sure can I run this life.. I love u-boys, You know, that you will always be in my heart and mind..

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2007

May GOD bless Us..!